It Ain't Easy Eating Green

A VEGAN ODYSSEY

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Sunday, Bloody Sunday

You want to hear about a Sunday night dinner that's really fucked up?

Well, late last week, probably around thursday or friday, Jason, a vegetarian buddy of mine from work, invited me over to his place for a beer and some of his "veggie fajitas." He suggested Sunday (yes, it's the present Sunday I'm talking about here). I said sure.

Jason refers to himself as a "vegetarian in transition" -- says he's going vegan "real soon." Shit, the tool's been saying that for months! I can't comprehend how some people are sympathetic enough to become vegetarians, but find the leap to vegandom so unthinkable. Honestly, does that make any sense to you? You can't meet compassion half way, man - you either have it or you don't! If you're trying to beat alcoholism, you can't allow yourself a beer now and then -- not even if you're thirsty with nothing else to drink! Same fuckin' situation -- if you care about animals, you don't exploit them! Fuck!

And what's so difficult about cutting all animal products from your diet, anyhow? You just... stop! I chide Jason for his cruelty whenever I see him drinking a carton of milk at work. For some reason he thinks that just because dairy cows don't die when their milk is taken, it's not as bad as eating meat. It is just as bad.

But aside from that, he's a cool guy. He said he wanted to kick my ass playing table tennis on his vintage Pong! system from the Seventies. This mono-purpose system was the centre of existence for our primitive, gamer ancestors. And hey, what would that have been like back then?

"Hey dude, you want to come over this weekend and chill? We'll have a video game showdown, man! Whadda ya say?"

"Sure! What games do you have?"

"....that's not even funny, man. You know there's only one video game."

Weird!

Oh, and Jason? He had no idea what he was getting himself into. Preston's the fuckin' Pong Masssstuh! Wa-zzzzowwww! *Roundhouse kick* (If it's not obvious to you, I'm really stoned right now, so excuse my passion for... you know... pretty much everything?)

What was I saying? Ah yes -- I was about to tell you of what happened when I went to Jason's.

Well, I got to his place and was surprised to see that someone else was in the apartment. Jason's older brother, Steve, visiting from Ohio. Steve "drives truck" and often stops by Jason's place whenever he has a big enough gap in his schedule for a visit.

I had met the guy once before and that had been enough. A total asshole. You know the kind:


The Rangers are totally winning the fuckin' Stanley Cup this year!

Hey man, listen--listen... why do all brides wear white? So the stove matches the dishwasher! Wa ha ha! *Slaps your back*

There's nothin' better than hiking in woods, your rifle on your shoulder, a flask of whiskey on your hip, and seeing the broad side of a ten-point buck at fifty yards -- chiuck-chiuck! ... KABLAM!! Woo! Fresh meat! *Maybe another slap to the back?*


You get the idea. Basically, your average (loathsome) male. Why do they still think this way? I'm serious, if everyone thought as we vegans do, we would have a modern Utopia. (And hold your "Yeah, a Fruitopia!" jokes, you stupid fucks. Yeah, that's right -- a mere sample of how much further ahead of you I am, both morally and intellectually -- Sha-zowwww! *Fury of punches!*)

Like Jason, Steve was just getting ready to eat dinner. No, none of the planned Veggie-Fajitas for him. He had a different meal on the go. A revolting steak, baked potato, asparagus and red pepper, all covered in sauteed mushrooms. And even the vegetables disgusted me, since he had slathered them with several cubes of fatty, disgusting butter. I seriously gag thinking about it.

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*Puke!*

I held my tongue as Jason and told me to take a seat. "The fajitas are almost ready!" he said.

My manners with Steve probably could have been better. I wasn't exactly enthusiastic while engaging in the chit chat one must evidently engage in when meeting with someone you haven't seen in a while.

"Preston! Good to see ya, bud!"
"So good to see you too, Steve -- too long, man...too long"

Whatever. The fucker was clearly too focused on the meal he was about to be eating to detect any sarcasm in my voice. Hell, with his turd nugget brain, he's unlikely to understand subtle inflections in the the human voice. Shouting is different, of course. Yelling and boasting about inane things is a trademark of these jackasses.

"Giv'er!!"

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Left to right: beer, Jason.

But seriously, despite the anger I felt towards the meal Steve was eating, I considered my host's generous hospitality and decided it was best to avoid any verbal conflict.

...

Almost had you there, didn't I? Of course that didn't happen. Here's how I lost it:

The first thing I did, you'll be pleased to know, is think of you, my intelligent vegan readers! I wanted to document the gluttony I was witnessing so you would have no difficulty understanding my actions. I produced the digital camera I always keep stored in my hemp carry-all and began snapping pictures. Steve started making a big show of eating his "fuckin' gorgeous" steak for the lens. You have no idea how close I came to punching him. But I managed a bit of restraint.

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Simply appalling.

I had no appetite, of course, so the steaming fajitas sat on my plate getting cold. Jason asked me what was the matter, but I didn't respond. He paid no mind, though, and kept on with his fajitas and beer. With the little photo session over, I couldn't keep from staring at trucker boy, who noisily chewing the flesh of an innocent creature right in front of me. I knew I would have to leave. And I knew I had to say something.

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Jason, circa pre-rant

"Do you have any idea how repulsive that meal of yours is to me?" I asked, tossing my knife and fork to the plate in front of me with a clatter.

It got Steve's attention, all right. I'll spare you his boneheaded omni defense and just tell you the evening's end result -- me leaving the place with an empty stomach after cursing dumb butcher up and down. I just can't be in closed quarters with guys like that, I'm sorry. I know Jason'll probably be pissed at me when we see one another at work, but he'll get over it.

Thank fuck I'm at home now with the organic vegetable platter I prepared the other night.


-Preston


Update:

http://luvbeef.blogspot.com/

Seeing this kind of retaliation from meat eaters is so typical. The guy didn't even have a blog when he started posting on mine, but I guess he got a surge of creativity all of a sudden.

Why should I be friendly to them when they continue to treat me like this? Fuck.

10 Comments:

At 10:13 PM, Blogger Meatlover Skillet said...

The only thing wrong with that plate, is that there is no BBQ sauce. Please tell me he put BBQ sauce on it Preston!

For a guy who's so against cruelty to animals, you sure have a violent streak to you. Tell me, would punching trucker boy not go against your policy not to be cruel to animals? Not trying to call you a hypocrite here or anything. Sometimes people just don't see the whole picture.

By the way, I'm new to blogger, but I started my blog before venturing over to leave my first comment. Just wasn't sure how to comment with my own blog attached. Guess I'm not as smart as you.

 
At 10:21 PM, Blogger Preston said...

Skillet, you're pathetic.

I felt like punching the guy, but I understand that knocking people the hell out every time I'm angry would get me sent to jail, again and again.

I find it's better to use my words when dealing with your kind, anyhow.

-Preston

 
At 10:29 PM, Blogger Meatlover Skillet said...

By the looks of your meat-eating friend there, I'm sure you would have ended up in the hospital rather than jail. He doesn't look like the type of guy that presses charges. I'm sure he solves his problems on his own.

Plus, after a nutritious meal like that, he would have lots of energy to make an example out of you. Protein = energy.

 
At 11:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

meatlover skillet, you're crazy. BBQ sauce masks the pure, delicious taste of the cow's flesh. Aside from maybe a dash of salt, I like my meat rare and unaltered.

 
At 2:15 AM, Blogger xsparklerx said...

Man, don't bash the vegetarians in transition! I was a strict vegetarian (no leather, no animal rennet cheese etc) for a year before going vegan... it's easy to do, I know that now, but preparing to do it and getting into the mindset is tough, and nobody else can make that choice for you.
And I disagree on the half-assed compassion thing. I've said on my blog, that I think serving some omnis a vegan meal every couple of days is great, because I'm replacing what they'd normally eat with something cruelty-free. Sure, they aren't full vegans, but every little bit helps.
Same with my boyfriend. He's not vegan, or even vegetarian, but he respects me and I respect him. He's probably going to go vegetarian, and on days when he's going to see me, he won't eat any animal products of any kind beforehand. Another little bit, and I think it helps.
Cussing people out for eating meat isn't going to change any minds. You're just fullfilling a stereotype of the crazy vegan and you aren't helping the cause at all. Wanna change some minds? Then be postive, share some facts and some food. But don't expect to change everyone, you have to learn to pick your battles, because sometimes it's just not worth it.

PS nice picture of him, I bet he calls cigarettes "smokes" right? lol

 
At 7:12 AM, Blogger the vegan vulcan said...

Hey, Preston! I really enjoy your blog, but I have to agree with xsparklerx on this one. Rudeness only begets rudeness, IMO. I understand your frustration with the ass-clown over at your friend's house, but I always go for the "kill them with kindness" approach, myself.

I don't think there's a problem with stating your views if asked, but for people like that, getting roasted by an angry vegan probably justifies their lifestyle. Vegans remain "extremists", etc.

Although, I sympathize. I wanted to smack a girl at my knitting group yesterday after she joyfully proclaimed to me that "pigs are delicious!!"

I'm just saying, when you're a vegan, you gotta pick your battles, man! Lord knows we get enough crap as it is.

 
At 10:50 AM, Blogger Preston said...

I was going to say, Vulcan, you seem pretty confrontational with non-vegans (a.k.a. monsters) from time to time.

People have called me on this before, but I don't believe in showing restraint when it comes to my firm beliefs. My hope is that that jackass Steve lied awake last night thinking about the animal that died to produce his meal. Or maybe he got sick and is considering changing his diet?

In any case, I put the thought in his mind. It doesn't matter if my tactics were aggressive or not.

 
At 2:29 PM, Blogger the vegan vulcan said...

I won't deny that I've had some confrontations in the past, but I really do believe in only challenging others if they ask me first. If someone asks why I don't eat meat, I'll tell them. . . but I don't make unsolicited comments most of the time. Well, that's not entirely true. I'll strike up conversations about awesome cupcakes I've made, or the kick-ass corn chowder I cooked, or whatever-- but I don't believe in calling people on their shit point-blank. Although I do not respect the decisions omnivores make in their habits, I respect their right to make those choices.

I also don't think of most omnivores as monsters, because if I did, I'd have no friends and be estranged from my parents. Some omnis, yeah, have monstrous appetites. I dislike avid, die-hard hunters, and the kind of people who are all like "mm, steak, you stupid vegan!!" That's some shit, right there.

But, in reality, my best friend in the whole damn world is a confirmed omni-- she knows why I'm a vegan and we leave it at that. I know that calling her on her choices would most likely (1) end our friendship, and (2) make her think that vegans are insane. Where does anyone win in that scenario?

>>I don't believe in showing restraint when it comes to my firm beliefs

Restraint is a lesson I've learned through my life experiences, so I can't agree with you, here. Although, I'm sure I would have agreed with you a few years ago! ;) I am passionate about my veganism, but I also think there is a time and place for everything. I badgered a hell of a lot of drunken, entitled frat-types early on when I was in college, and what did it get me? Nuthin' at all. Then I changed my tactics, and started only answering questions that were directly asked of me (i.e. "why are you a feminist?" or "you don't eat meat? Why not?" or whatever), I got much better results. I talked to the people who were genuinely interested in what I had to say, and I'm sure the message came through more clearly when I wasn't spittin' mad.

I respect your right to get your message across in whatever way you think will do veganism the most justice-- but I'm just saying that my most vegangelical moments are often my least successful when it comes to winning people's sympathies.

My 2 cents.

 
At 8:00 PM, Anonymous jo-ellen said...

Hey big Fella
you go on and on about how your against the cruelty to animals....but then how do you explain that dead one on your head???

that may seem ignorant, but I'm thinking that is exactly what you are. Your beliefs are your beliefs, as mine are mine. But what does it say about your character when someone invites you into their home for a meal that they have cooked for you and you can barely wait to get home and write a book on how they make you sick. Your a big fella taking pictures of your "friends" as they eat, composeing in your head all the nasty things you were sweating to type about them. BIG FELLA

I too am new to the blogging world and if my etiquette is off I apologies... I see that new bloggers make you itch.

PS. I read your previous blog about your dad giving you a Beamer... all I can say about that is - Blow me

 
At 8:21 PM, Blogger Meatlover Skillet said...

Jo, I think your etiquette might be off. Give him the benefit of the doubt at least; that thing on his head could still be alive. Looks pretty "cruel" just the same though.

 

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