It Ain't Easy Eating Green


Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Presssssssston's Back

Hey Everybody.

Sorry I haven't posted anything for such a long time. I wish I could tell you I've been doing some exciting stuff, but that would be a lie. I've been pretty bored lately. Depressed, actually. The Spring weather always seems to do that to me. I don't find winter to be as bad, because I kind of just hibernate, you know? But Spring is difficult to avoid. You don't really have an excuse to be a shut-in.

Spring is kind of like Christmas, in the sense that you're pretty much expected to be happy. 'Tis the season to be jolly, and all that. Says who!? Who says I have to be jolly? People's cheery moods aren't dictated by the calendar months. Well... a lot of people would like it if that were the case... but it's not true. Spring starts everything over like clockwork, and it doesn't care if you want to tag along or not. You're going, regardless.

Usually I come around, though. Once the market opens up, it really gets me back in to the swing of things. There are few spring and summer activities I like more than going to the market and buying all kinds of organic vegetables. The farmers there grow the best corn. Each golden kernel is just bursting with sweetness. Sometimes I feel like I'm tasting the sunshine it took to grow them, they're so good. Yeah, man. Corn really energizes me when I need energizing. I also love snow peas. I've made some great salads with those! I think they're the greenest of the green vegetables. The bursts of cool flavor they give taste like the essence of the green vegetable! Definitely a top shelf item in Nature's candy store. Artichokes... Asparagus... Bell Peppers... Man, I'm making myself hungry!

That reminds me, actually: I've got to feed my new pet snake! He's a Boa Constrictor, and he's around a foot and a half in length. I can never get him to stretch out straight enough to get an accurate measurement. His name is Tre.

Image hosting by Photobucket
File Photo - Chosen for its similarity to my snake, Tre.

After Marx's death, I thought about getting another dog, but it just didn't seem right. I went to the pet store and the Humane Society to take a look at some, but they didn't look like friends to me -- they looked like replacements. I don't think any dog will ever be able to replace Marx.

But maybe a snake will! Tre's fucking awesome! I thought they wouldn't be able to show affection, but they really do! I was surprised. I keep Tre's aquarium next to my bed, and sometimes I'll take him out when I'm reading and just lay him on my chest. He likes to coil up right above my heart (I guess it's warm?) and enjoy the rise and fall of my breathing. Such a cute little guy.

I got a good deal on him, too. Some guy I work with raises snakes and I only had to pay him forty bucks for Tre. I look at it as a rescue, actually. The dude's got dozens of the things, which leads me to believe that he's neglecting them like crazy. Maybe "neglect" isn't the right word. He obviously tends to them enough to keep them alive, but if you have that many animals, you're not going to be able to share your love with all of them. The guy's so fucking cruel sometimes, too. He tells me how he feeds them meat! Eugh. He feeds a lot of them live mice! How fucking cruel and disgusting is that!? Luckily, Tre won't be subjected to that kind of injustice any longer, as he has taken to the tofu I've been feeding him very well.

My Dad was angry when I brought Tre home. I didn't tell him I'd be getting a snake. (Snakes freak him the hell out, by the way. Hmm. Maybe I subconsciously gravitated towards a pet snake, knowing that it would piss my Dad off?) Not that he'd have the balls to do anything, but I'm going to make sure he stays away from Tre. I'm getting a deadbolt for my bedroom door. It'll probably cost me an arm and a leg, since I'll have to hire a contractor to install it, but it'll be worth it in the long run. Total security!

Anyhow, I need to get to bed. Exams soon. Sleep... study... sleep...




At 10:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you suck

At 12:33 PM, Anonymous Liz said...

Holy crap, Preston! How can you call yourself a vegan? Purchasing animals from a breeder? That is so represhensible. By buying an animal that could very well survive on its own without human interferance is a violation of animal rights.

Animals like snakes are not intended to be pets. I hope you're joking about feeding it tofu, as well, because that snake is going to die if you continue to do that. Maybe it's mercy, though, as you're imprisoning it in an aquarium.

You are the worst ambassador for vegan living that I have ever seen. Seriously: why would you get an animal you are morally opposed to feeding? Such self-centeredness is decidedly not vegan, not in the least bit.

Hey! Non-vegans who read this blog! Don't be fooled by Preston: many vegans out there are not monstrous hypocrites who purchase wild animals for their own amusement! Some of us adopt domesticated animals in need of a home instead of from breeders who profit off the continued breeding of animals!

Seriously, Preston: you're no better than a person who buys a 500 pure-bred puppy from a loathesome puppy-mill.

At 1:38 PM, Blogger Preston said...

You're an idiot.

I SAVED the snake from this guy, who would have treated him very poorly. So I paid forty bucks for him -- so what? I'm tempted to buy all the snakes from him if it means saving them from that kind of torture.

And trust me, snakes can live on tofu. I have friends who have fed their pet snakes tofu for extended periods of time and they're totally healthy. You have no idea what you're talking about, "liz."

At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And again

you suck

At 3:06 PM, Anonymous liz said...

Must be nice to have enough of your dad's money to buy a whole crapload of snakes, but get over yourself, honey. You're a bona-fide participant in a system that exploits animals for profit. You can call me an idiot all you want (good one, btw!), but that doesn't change the fact that you're a hypocrite.

I feel sorry for your snake. Having a wild animal living in a home is such an un-vegan thing to do, Preston. What's next-- gonna get yourself a helper monkey to make you a sandwich? Or maybe you'll get your dad to pay for an expedition to the Bahamas so you can capture some rare, wild fish to keep in a tank. Nice.

Man. At least you're "vegan" (although, your eating habits aside, your ethics certainly aren't vegan-- maybe you should start calling yourself a strict vegetarian). I'm glad you aren't eating animals. But the fact that you're exploiting them for your selfish reasons and justifying it as "saving" them (I'm sure animals in zoos feel so grateful to their captors for saving them, too, btw). You are so selfish.

Must be nice, Richie Rich. Enjoy your snake-- I'm sure he'd like to be climbing a tree or stalking some prey, but I'm sure living in a heated terrarium is just as great. Really.

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Preston said...

What do you suggest, you idiot?

Should I put him in a cardboard box and mail him to South America? Yeah, great idea! Idiot. Tre would die in the box if I did that... no matter how many air holes I poked in it.

Some things are beyond control, and animals living in captivity is one of them. I'm part of no "system." The snake is much better off with me than he was with my idiot co-worker, you idiot.

Leave my blog.


At 4:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Preston has been fucking his new snake!

"RIIIDE the snake! TOOOO the lake!"

Uhhnn! Uhhhn!

At 4:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, Preston! Preston! Your an idiot man! Your so stupid, you think snakes eet tofu? Its goign to bite your big jewboy nose off dude!!!!

Hoppy-hop-hop OUTTA!

At 5:28 PM, Anonymous liz said...

Oh please.

I forgot-- you're never wrong. I'm sure people would continue to breed snakes, puppies, etc. if there was no market. Right!

"Leave my blog." The whole world revolves around your sorry self, doesn't it?

At 7:13 PM, Blogger Preston said...

You're a know-nothing lizbian.

Go away.

At 7:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're such a fucking tool.

At 9:06 PM, Blogger Preston said...

You're the fucking tool, and undoubtedly the creator of the "you suck," and "once again, you suck" comments. Very creative.

Kill yourself.

At 5:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Actually, Preston, Liz is right. By allowing your jerkoff "friend" to profit off of abusing snakes, all you do is give him incentive to raise more. You may not eat animals, but you're no vegan. A real vegan wouldn't see it as acceptable to imprison a wild animal like a snake in an aquarium and feed him tofu (Unlike humans, snakes are obligate carnivores. You're going to kill him if you feed him nothing but tofu, and if feeding him dead mice makes you uncomfortable, you should've thought of that before you selfishly got a "pet" snake.)

And as liz said regarding you being the "worst ambassador for vegan living," I agree with her 100%, especially when you resort to blatant homophobia by calling her "lizbian" (cute, Preston, latent much?).

Seriously, do vegans, non-vegans, and the snake a favor and just kill yourself. Maybe the snake can eat you.

At 5:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

First rule of this blog: Preston is right. No matter what the topic; no matter how misguided his opinion; no matter how ignorant and short-sighted he may seem. Preston is right, and anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.

I too used to think this way. Luckily I had shed that outlook before matriculating to the third grade.

At 6:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, it's a beautiful sunny day here in the heartland of our nation. It's such a beautiful day that it has moved me to wax poetic. I offer a haiku.

Preston is a pud
Even his ex-skank knew it
He won't admit it.

At 6:20 AM, Blogger The Dally Llama said...

You dad deserves a medal for not engaging in filicide. Hiring someone to put a padlock on your room? Here's a better idea: Get a job and move out of your parents' house. You're pretty willing to accept the charity of someone you claim to hate so much. Seems that your adherence to principle ends at about the same place as your daddy's checkbook.

And feeding a carnivore tofu? I'm at a loss for words. The coolest thing about owning animals like snakes is watching them hunt. Make sure to let him slither around your bed lots. They carry salmonella as part of their natural intestinal flora. But as a responsible animal lover, I'm sure you knew that, right?

At 6:24 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry Preston, I'll handle this.

Dally, you're an idiot. Ha! That showed you. You think about THAT next time you wanna disagree with Preston.

At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think Preston is fake, he probably is a 38 Bussiness man who plays this role just to think that he can make a point, I do not think he even knows what he es talking about, probably he only searches the web finding stuff and post it on his web site.

Probably we just pay to much attention to him

Probably he does not suck

i correct my self

he does suck

At 2:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Idiots, all of you!

At 4:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous, your an idiot. Nobody jerks off in the third grade!

On one thing tho, I take Prestons side on./. Calling someboyd a lesbian when they ARE one is not homopobic. What if its true? I actually no a vegan and SHES a from the island of lesboa. Boa! Like thte snake!

Call a spade a spade i always say. damn niggas!

At 10:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just read most of your blog. you sound like the biggest prick who ever walked the earth.

please kill yourself the sooner the better.

At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

seriously, the more i read the more stupider you sound.

from an earlier post:
"She ended up getting me a "Supervisor," who was just some 18-year-old girl. (Some unattractive 18-year-old girl, at that.) "

so it would have been fine if the supervisor had been attractive? i mean WTF??

At 10:44 PM, Blogger Preston said...

What a surprise - the second I tell someone to kill themself, people start telling me to kill myself.

I will never kill myself. I will outlive and outsmart all of you, laughing all the way.

At 7:04 AM, Blogger Meatlover Skillet said...

I liked your idea of killing yourself by smashing your car into a tree... only without the car. Why waste a good car?


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