It Ain't Easy Eating Green

A VEGAN ODYSSEY

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Saturday, April 8, 2006

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It's been a few days since my last update, so here I am, writing one up.

Tre, my snake, remains very happy and healthy. He's currently relaxing on the warming rock in his aquarium. I gave him another small chunk of tofu today and he eagerly gobbled it up. I honestly don't understand how you people can be so naive about his diet. "Snakes are carnivores!" you constantly say. "CARNIVORES! CARNIVORES!"

How many of you actually own a snake?

None? Yeah, that's what I thought.

Fed a snake?

Same answer? Ha! Figures.

I hate to break it to you, but you're wrong -- Tre is a vegan. I watched (in disgust) as my co-worker, the "snake lover," demonstrated how to properly feed mice to him, by the way. (I told him nothing of my intentions.) Tre seemed quite disinterested in the meal, which leads me to believe that he never really cared for rodent meat. (Who would, with all the smelly, dried turds still lodged in their rectums!?) He enjoys the tofu, though! It's clear that he prefers it to flesh.

Yes, Tre is doing great. I, however, have had a lousy start to the weekend.

One of the waitresses at work was really pissing me off today. Julie. She's this ugly bitch with a fat ass. She's fat all over, actually. Not "obese fat," but one of those overweight chicks who "thinks she's all that," if I can borrow a phrase that's below me. You've seen her kind, I'm sure. She's got the standard blonde hair dye which probably makes her think she's automatically attractive to guys. And she's also has bad skin, so she tries to cover it up by caking on the makeup. It was probably tested on chimpanzees, too. The dumb whore. I take comfort in the fact that it probably made them look a hell of a lot better than she does.

Anyhow, aside from having disgusting looks, she has a disgusting attitude. Everything that comes out of her mouth is bitter or sarcastic. She loves to antagonize. About half way through my shift, a couple of people I recognized from my Philosophy class came into the bar and sat down. A chick named Brittany (no, not my ex), and some other dude whose name I don't know. The guy's a real wino, though, and drinks like a fish every time he's in there --- the cheap table wine we make people pay through the nose for. The two of them ordered some beef samosas and when Julie went to toss them in our oven, she put an extra one in, saying, "You haven't eaten yet, have you, Preston?"

She knows I'm a vegan. The bitch.

"Very funny, Julie."

"I'm only looking out for you, Preston," she said, trying her best to hide her mocking tone. "You look so malnourished! You're skin and bone!"

Holy fuck, did I want to smack her! Of course I didn't, though. I just gave her a "Holy fuck, do I want to smack you!" look and did my best to ignore her for the rest of the shift. Kind of difficult in such tight quarters, though.

I should try and get her fired somehow.

- Preston

13 Comments:

At 4:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There were tons of actual reptile owners/handlers who told you that you're an animal abuser over at veggieboards, you stupid shit. But since Tre isn't actually real, it's no biggie.

Oh, and if you are the p. diddy from over there, you're even more of an idiot than I thought.

Your snake doesn't exist, we all know it, get over yourself. You're a liar, an attention-seeker, and, most likely, an omni dork sitting somewhere trying to give vegans a bad name.

 
At 7:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're a fake and an ass. You know it, and so do we.

I'll agree it's entertaining to play the role of asswipe to see how upset people get; it's kinda fun sometimes. The problem is, you're just too stupid to do it right.

 
At 7:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lemme make sure I have this right. You hate the woman at work because she likes to antagonze?

Look at your post you hypocrite. That's all your blog is. All you do is spew antagonistic rhetoric to try to piss people off so you can call them stupid.

You're a fake, an ass, and now a hypocrite.

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger Preston said...

Man, I've sure attracted a lot of anonymous trolls from that forum. You guys (or is it just one of you?) are fucking morons.

I've read a good deal of that board and discovered that you're all a bunch of dumb, hypocritical assholes. You do precisely what I'm doing on my blog in each of your posts. (Ie. Bitching about how your family and friends don't understand your diet; telling everyone how you had a bad dining experience somewhere; whining about the treatment of animals [only YOU never DO anything about it, unlike me!] etc.)

Seriously, take a good look at yourselves.

Why are you constantly on my blog, posting your anonymous, idiotic messages? Do me a favor and sum up ALL of your thoughts in one lenghty comment, you braindead pre-schooler(s). I'll definitely read it.

The reason you don't like me is because you know that I'm so much better than you. You're threatened by my talent and drive; by the fact that I actually DO things. You're happy to sit around and navel-gaze all day, where as I would be out on a street corner handing out flyers about the navel.

If you were Ringo, I'd be John.

If you were Trotsky, I'd be Stalin.

You are Curly to my Moe;

Kelly Rowland to my Beyonce Knowles!

You're the New Orleans hurricane and I'm the fuckin' TSUNAMI!

Bitch.

And to address the one comment that applied to my post: the stupid chick was purposely trying to annoy me and here I am complaining about it --- so what?

Go back to eating your own feces.

-Preston

 
At 10:43 AM, Blogger The Dally Llama said...

"Everything that comes out of her mouth is bitter or sarcastic."

 
At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't frequent veggie boards, because I personally think veganism is folly, but that's beside the point. So, at least from where I sit, the trolling rant is misdirected.

Again, you're a childish twit, and no amount of rancor-filled insults will change that. You think that being more abrasive will breed respect for you... you're wrong; it only confirms your ignorance.

But, it's all moot, since we know you're a fake.

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Preston said...

By the way, the picture I've posted isn't the actual restaurant/bar I work at.

Somebody was going to say it.

-Preston

 
At 1:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It must be absolutely exhausting to be so egomaniacal, stupid, ignorant, incendiary, and. . . nonexistant.

 
At 2:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Understand that when I call you a fake, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. I have trouble believing anyone can truly be as stupid, ignorant, and pathetic as you're (hopefully) pretending to be.

If this really is you, that's so unfortunate, and I truly pity your family.

 
At 6:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So let's see...Preston has outed himself as a sexist, a sizeist, a homophobe, and a hypocritical "vegan" (I put that in quotes because no real vegan would claim this piece of shit as one of their own). And yet he's disappointed in George Bush. I have to wonder why, since they have so much in common.

 
At 7:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm tired of all these anonymous posters. Sign in, cowards.

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger Preston said...

Homophobe? Hardly. I know lots of gay people and they are not offended in the slightest by name-calling like "Queer!" or "Fag!" It's just a word.

Sexist? Pfft. You people are really reaching. I don't like the bitch I work with, so I'm a sexist, huh? You're idiots.

And yeah, I'm sick of the anonymous fucking comments. I'm disabling it. You want to mouth off? Then register a fucking account.

You're anonymous cowards.

-Preston

 
At 10:58 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

i have come to the conclision you are an omni out to give vegans a bad name. there is just no other way.

 

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